Easter – Rejoice!

As I’ve previously written, there I’ve experienced many facets of  Easter.

  For me, Easter is a spiritual day to reflect on God’s great love for his people; a day that Christians around the world celebrate as their most sacred day, the day of Jesus’ resurrection.

My personal expression of Easter is best demonstrated in song.

Exultet, the Easter Proclamation is a centuries old prayer telling of God’s love throughout all of history, calling on all creation to give praise for the resurrection.

It’s sung only once a year, during the Easter Vigil Mass on Holy Saturday.

I’ve been privileged several times to sing Exultet.  The first time I was in my twenties.

I was going through some personal struggles.  I hadn’t been active in music ministry for a time.

I attended Palm Sunday mass and was last in line for Communion. When I turned to go to my seat I heard the priest call my name.  He asked me to come see him after mass. I said okay.

When we met he said he had a request.

“Cathy, it’s the week before Easter and we don’t have anyone to sing the Easter Proclamation.  Will you do it?”

I was astonished…and he must have seen this.  How would I do this in a week?  …was I even worthy?

“I know you can do this…your voice will fill this church…will you come to the Rectory?  I’ll walk you through it.”

The following week I was privileged to sing this prayer for the first time.  It gave me an important lesson during difficult times. You see, the first word of Exultet is REJOICE! 

This is what we are called to do.

The last time I sang Exultet I once again faced struggles.

My special needs daughter had a number of medical issues. I had other personal concerns, too. In all, it was a difficult, exhausting time.

I rehearsed but was very distracted. How would I focus?

I contemplated one of its many lines.

Let this place resound with joy, echoing the mighty song of all God’s people.

I thought of John, a wonderful young man who doesn’t speak.  He is vocal, however.  He sings in church with a groan that comes from deep within.  He inspired me.

Many people think special needs individuals like John and my daughter don’t have a voice.  This is so untrue. We often need to listen in a different way.

I thought, if every person everywhere sang like John we would hear the mighty song of all God’s people!

How would John sing this?  He would sing joyfully and allow the song to come forward freely.  I began to rehearse anew.

On the night of the Easter Vigil I voiced the ancient prayer that was being sung by cantors around the world.  A prayer that connects people through the ages.

Once again, I sang the word REJOICE!

Ever since then, during Lent I recall the Exultet. It comes naturally to me at this time of year.

I remember the call to rejoice!

Have a happy and blessed Easter!

Arranged – Part 2

Through my daughter’s eyes

Hello, everyone.  This is the continuation of the Weekly Photo Challenge “Arranged.”

As you saw in Part 1, my daughter puts together colorful combinations of objects.  Here are a few more arrangements that will bring you once again into my daughter’s world.

 

I am an M&M fiend!  Every so often my husband surprises me with treats. (A wise man, indeed!)  When I was done with these I gave the empty containers to Mija. 

This nest of M&M’s lies on top of one of her baby blankets.  I love the way the colors match! 

 

This little monkey lives on our couch. If he ever moves from his specific cushion she makes sure he is placed right back where he belongs. If anyone chooses to sit there, the little monkey can’t be too far away.

Recently Mija has begun covering him with a quilt. For some reason she doesn’t want to see him right now.  The funny thing is, if we took him away from the couch she would go look for him and bring him back!

 

 

Here is our table setting filled with circular shapes and several matching combinations.  There are two red flowers, two round candles, round white objects, red objects, and, red and green objects.

 

 

 

 

 

Of particular note is this candle.  It used to be a deep red.  It’s been sitting on the table near the window for several years, so it’s faded.  It’s a Christmas decoration that I received as a gift.  Even if it’s 10degrees outside the Christmas candle will be on the table because Mija loves it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

In my post called Teachers, I featured Ms. K.  She was Mija’s middle school teacher.  As much as we love our daughter’s creativity here at home we realize there are times when her drive to arrange needs to be managed.  Ms. K and I were commenting to each other how the classroom had to be Mija-proofed.

For example, if certain papers or objects in the classroom were left out and later put away, she would be driven to look for them so she could put them back where she first saw them.  As you might imagine there are times when this is not appropriate.  Desks and cabinets eventually had to be locked.  There were a few times when she put items away and they were not found for weeks!  While we chuckled about it, we also knew that my daughter could become obsessed and upset because the world is not in the order that she feels is correct.  Eventually she came to accept that certain items were not to be arranged…at least not by her.

Thank-you for visiting my daughter’s space.

I found it interesting that the topic “Arranged” occurred during Autism Awareness Day. 

I hope in some small way I’ve helped you become aware of a world that most people are not allowed to enter.

Arranged – Part 1

Through my Daughter’s Eyes

When I saw that the the Weekly Photo Challenge was Arranged, I knew I would be taking photos of my daughter’s space.

You may have heard that autistic individuals will arrange items till their heart’s are content, and once arranged, it’s difficult to break the pattern of said arrangement.

Well, my daughter is no different!  Mija takes great care to arrange items that most people, including me, would never think to group together.

The first photo is a blueback-scratcher, a green toy cup, a pink butterfly and a blue toy similar to a large Lego. To look at it in the span of the entire room, it may not make sense…but she see’s symmetry and color where we may overlook it…and she is not afraid to display it.

I get a big kick out of the next arrangement: a blue turtle, a pink, flowered rubber ducky, a little red cup and a blue-green wrist wallet that I can no longer seem to use when I want to go exercise!

They are arranged in a square-like setting with blues and reds along the diagonals.  Note how the items touch.  It makes sense until you take a step back and to really see the  entire arrangement in the next photo!

I have no idea why the Christmas elf is facedown and away from everything else in the room.  I’m sure Mija has her reasons…and I just laugh and wonder about the poor elf!

The last photo has a string of items where the outer rings are grouped as you might expect.  On the other end are two CD covers of with muppet characters.  In case you don’t recognize them they are from the Spanish-language version of Sesame Street known as Plaza Sesamo.

What fascinates me are the shiny party decorations that join both sets!  There are pastels to match the CD covers, and green stems to match the outer green ring.  Oh, yes…one more thing…did you see that  the colors from the rings are also contained in the CD covers? …an arrangement that I probably wouldn’t have done on my own!

When things are in disarray she may repeatedly say one of the few phrases that she speaks clearly, “No, it’s not!” as if she’s scolding her belongings.

Keeping items grouped together in the manner of her choosing makes my daughter happy, and calm. It’s a way for her to express herself.  Yes, she certainly has her limits, but in other ways she has insight into a world that most of us will find unfamiliar.

I hope you enjoyed my daughter’s arrangements as much as I enjoyed sharing them with you!

I took so many examples of my daughter’s arrangements, that I’ve decided this is part 1. Stay tuned for part 2 in the next day or so!

To see more pictures of my daughter’s space, see my post titled Peaceful.

Teachers

On March 12th I posted an entry called Teachers. I made updates to add a picture of my daughter’s teacher, Ms. K.

Thank-you for stopping by to read my entry, whether this is your first view or a return visit!

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Last week was a thoughtful week.  Sometimes there are unexpected and pleasant surprises.

We received an e-mail message from our daughter’s former middle school teacher.  She was nominated by her school to be teacher of the year.  What an honor!  We were thrilled to hear this! 

I thought about the impact this very wonderful teacher has had on all our lives.  My daughter showed a lot of progress in middle school.  When Mija finished middle school we knew we were really going to miss Ms. K.

Mija is now in high school.  For those of you  who are not familiar, I wrote two posts about my special needs daughter that would set the context for this post:  Peaceful  and My Special Girl, the Pure of Heart.

When my husband runs errands without her people often ask, “Where is she? How is she?  We miss seeing her…”

Those statements amaze me.  In society special needs people are mostly a silent group with little influence.  This is a shame but also a reality.  On a one-on-one level this is not so.  By simply being who she is my daughter has touched others.

Ms. K asked us to attend the awards ceremony.  She recognized it would be too much stimulation for our daughter, but said Mija would be there in spirit.  She invited us because Mija helped her “learn more about how to be a teacher and how to love.”

Ms. K’s statement was very humbling.  Every day my daughter teaches me about myself.  I had no idea of the impact she made on Ms. K.

We are all connected.  It is true that our actions, be they good or bad are like a pebble dropped in a pond.  The effects of what we do will ripple out and be felt and seen even after we walk away from the pond.

Ms. K, I am proud and honored that you were my daughter’s teacher.

With you and with your aides my daughter ate her first Thanksgiving meal.  She began to lose her fears of the world.  You allowed her to take breaks when she needed them while also being firm in letting her know that certain behaviors are not acceptable.

I am deeply humbled that our daughter also touched you and had an influence in your life.  She and I were at home when Al went to see you at the awards ceremony.  I told her about your award.  She may not have fully understood but I wanted her to know that we should celebrate your accomplishments.

My daughter. My teacher…

To Mr. K and all educators who work with special needs children, thank-you.  In partnership with you our children can make a difference in the lives of others.

Congratulations, Ms. K!

Peaceful – Follow-up

Last month I wrote a post called Peaceful.  I was appreciative and humbled by the replies; one from “Anonymous” stayed with me.  I mentioned I would follow up on a reply.  Due to a business trip and slight illness I hadn’t been able to complete that reply until now.

I hope Anonymous reads this.  Since the comments weren’t private, I’ll re-post portions here.

“… I ‘get’ the peace in this room. Oh man I get it. It’s inspiring and uplifting. And gentle movement. Your daughter’s inner world, is precious.”

Thank-you.  Many people don’t see her personality, or recognize how important a sense of order is to her.  I’m speaking of her internal order.  The order she brings to the space she creates.  We all want this to some degree.  She’s no different.

“Would you take in an online daughter of 30ish, an orphan from a terrible childhood? I wish somebody would…”

You, too, are precious.  I say that sincerely.  We all have uphill climbs in our lives; some have more challenges than others.

Years ago (probably when I was around your age!) a mentor said there are times when we feel like we don’t have any skin  Think about that. When we have a tiny cut we feel stung. Can you imagine what it would be like to have no skin at all? Somehow I suspect you can.

“Thank you very much for your post. You have no idea how much it reached me. Your daughter has inspired me to go on another day.”

This touched me deeply.  …very telling about you.  My daughter can be a real teacher once people get to know her.  She had taught me so much.

There are times when we all have to dig deep.  I mean really deep.

Someone told me I live everyday in a place where most people only glance. I imagine you understand this. One reason for this is to face your challenges, not deny them, then move through them and past them.  From there you can journey to a place of peace.  Truly. You have to be willing to take that walk.

Your reply to my post was lovely, honest and appreciated.  As I replied previously:

There’s a saying that during tough times you should take one day at a time. I think it’s often shorter. Take one moment at a time…one breath at a time.

We all have to find a safe place within our own world, within ourselves. Part of the journey with my daughter is to know this and to continually learn this.

It takes courage to reach out to someone when you’re in pain.  I hope you’ll reach out to people nearby who can support you. The journey starts with a first step.

Please stay strong and take one breath at a time.

I hope you’ll return to this post and drop me a line.

*If anyone else has words of encouragement for Anonymous, please feel free to leave those here.

Candle Lighter Award

I received a surprise today about my blog!  I was nominated for, and gladly accept the Candle Lighter Award created by Kate Kresse.  Here is a link to Kate’s blog where she explains more about this award.
http://believeanyway.wordpress.com/2011/12/18/creation-of-new-blog-award-the-candle-lighter-award/

Thank-you, Kate!

Take a moment to give someone support.  Be encouraging.  Edify…not only when you blog, but as often as you can…every day.

 

Peaceful – Part 2

Thank-you everyone for your comments on my previous post Peaceful.  I am very grateful for all the comments and support.  I also discovered how diverse and talented all of you are as I got to explore your posts!

This is my view of peaceful…or one of them.  It had been a while since I’ve strummed and picked a few chords.  I took a break for a number of reasons.  Recently I felt a stirring.  I knew I needed to play again.  Whenever I run into certain people they say to me, “Don’t stop singing…please…don’t stop.”  It’s part of who I am…and it is one thing that beings me peace.

I also enjoyed watching my husband as he relaxed and listened.  I know he’s missed this as well.

Peaceful…

p. s.  On a different note (no pun intended!) I admit I’m also posting a similar photo to Cathy’s Crochet Corner as the fingerless gloves are a recent creation.   It was fun to test them out while I was playing.  Enjoy!

Peaceful

Peaceful…Through my daughter’s eyes…

I thought about this for a while.  There are some photos I’ll probably post later that are more related to my own view of this.  In the meantime, I kept coming back to the way my daughter expresses herself.

Since my daughter is not verbal, I don’t really know how she would define “peaceful.”  As I was considering this I began to think about the way she views the world.  Like many people with autism, she is compulsive about the way her belongings are ordered.  It’s important for everything to be in a particular place.  This makes her calm.  Perhaps you can say she’s at peace.

The front part of our house is her domain.  Even though she is a teenager, the space consists of stuffed animals, bins with lots of small toys, crayons, inflatables of all sizes and a brightly colored mat where she hangs out.

Her best pal is a giant stuffed gorilla named Nejo.  It’s short for conejo, rabbit in Spanish.  He got this name because he looks like the small gorilla my grandmother gave Mija.  My grandmother was in her nineties; her eyesight was failing.  She kept saying to give the conejo to the baby.  We finally realized she was talking about the little stuffed gorilla a volunteer in the nursing home gave her.

When Mija was smaller she would pounce against him, or lean against him when she watched TV.

At the moment Nejo lies on the floor with a toy on top of him.  We don’t know why the toy is there except that it makes Mija happy.  That’s what counts.  I wouldn’t dream of moving it.  For some reason this toy and Nejo belong together.

Mija orders the world in ways that don’t always make sense to me.  That’s okay.  It’s her world and it’s important that I learn to live in there with her.  Too often she is asked to live in ours.  That isn’t always easy for her.

When Nejo and all the other stuffed animals and toys are in their place my daughter is content.  She could spend hours “fixing” everything if so inclined.

The picture at the start of this post is one of the piles of stuffed animals that she arranges and rearranges until they are just so.  This set sits on the floor between the toy bins.  Across the room she also has inflatable beach balls and a pile of crayons that she doesn’t use too much any more…but don’t try to move them!  She enjoys the pile just where it is…

It’s her space, her world.  She put everything in it’s place the way she thinks it should be.

…and that is fine with us…it is the way it is meant to be.

End of 2011– Champagne and Chocolate Cake

I was trying to decide how to write a unique post for today.  I imagine most bloggers are taking a look back on 2011, or looking forward to 2012.  Unique? Perhaps not, but I hope you’ll enjoy.

Big events of 2011…on a personal level the event with the biggest impact was a job change.  I accepted a new position in my company, starting on January 3rd, 2011.  As a result I traveled to several states I had never visited.  I met new people, worked on a team that was dedicated, knowledgeable, and driven.

…long hours…physically demanding…mentally exhausting…intrinsically rewarding…satisfaction in knowing that I was part of a great team…everyday I continue to see the impacts of the efforts implemented by this team.

As always, Al supported me.  Mija became more accustomed to me being away.  I have been learning not to feel guilty when I am away.  I suspect that will be an on-going challenge for me.

Speaking of Mija, she made progress in her own way.  For the first time in a long while we heard her say syllables that were new.  She began to “scold” her belongings, saying “No, it’s not!”

Most people may not be impressed.  We are grateful.  She says this phrase often to express her displeasure with a number of things.

It was a huge step for her in communication.  One night we let her stay up later that usual.  It was obvious she wanted to stay up.  We let her when she said, “I want.”

On another occasion she wanted to stay up but I told her no.  It was the first time she said, “Why?” I simply said because it was bed time.  I laughed to think we had a conversation because she wanted to debate.  She may be autistic but she is also a teenager!

Globally there were natural disasters and political upheavals.  Iconic individuals passed away.

While these did affect us, I must admit that the highlights of our year were items of the heart: my daughter’s voice, my husband’s embrace when I arrived from a business trip, satisfaction of a job well done.

Looking back, I remember those we lost, my father-in-law, Pedro, and my sister’s father-in-law, Fred.  I’m grateful for family and friends. God bless them.

In September I decided to (finally) start blogging.  It was something I always wanted to do.  It’s been a positive experience, and, I’m happy to say, something I plan on continuing. Thanks for coming along!

Al and I have a tradition on New Year’s Eve.  We started it when we were watching all the millennial celebrations for the year 2000.  We relax at home and bring in the new year with champagne and chocolate cake.

The champagne is already being chilled.  This year, as a change we’re having chocolate cheesecake. Yum!

I’m looking forward to what the new year will bring.  More on that in tomorrow’s post.  That will be one good way to start 2012.

Have a safe and happy New Year!

What Are You Thankful For?

The WordPress topic for the day is “What are you thankful for?” I’m glad that I am not posting this on Thanksgiving Day.  I believe it’s important to be thankful for something everyday, not just on the day that is set aside for this.

Many people state they are thankful for family, friends, health, food on the table, a roof over their heads, a job.  I am thankful for all these things but there is more that I wish to express.

It’s been a long year.  My job has been very challenging and at times I was pushed to the point of overload.  I am thankful that I persevered in the face of situations that challenged me intellectually and physically.  I learned once again that I can be very resourceful.  I am thankful for my team mates in a brand new department.  Together we tackled some far-reaching issues.  I also learned that I am humbled every day by situations that are larger than I am.  I am thankful that I recognize this.

Through all this my husband has supported me.  He is a full-time parent to our special needs daughter.  I could not do what I do every day if not for him.  He does things for me every day.  I joke that he spoils me rotten.  He does.  I am thankful that he gets up every morning to get Mija and me out the door.  He packs my breakfast and lunch.  He does the laundry.  He does the grocery shopping and cooks dinner.  Day-to-day he manages everything in the house so that I can focus on my work.  He listens to me when I come home after a tough day.  He lets me vent then he recaptures my sense of humor.  There are times when I’m required to travel.  He supports me in this and reminds me that I don’t have to feel guilty about being away.  I am thankful when I’m away from home and I hear his and my daughter’s voices on the phone.

My daughter brings surprises every day.  In her own way she is growing and learning.  Most people won’t see this, but my husband and I are thankful every day for each accomplishment.  Words are not adequate when I say that I am thankful for her, for the medical staff that supports us, for her teachers in school and in her special needs faith class.

I am thankful that I am able to give words to this expression.  I always wanted to blog but felt that I didn’t have the time or the courage to do so.  Even though I am very busy I am thankful that I am making this a priority.  I am thankful I recognize that this expression of myself is important.  From this blog I’ve had messages from family and friends, bringing memories, laughter and ideas for the future.

In the midst of all the ups and downs, take pause.  Be thankful for something no matter how larger or small.  Every day.